While I'm Thinking About It

Number One: Christmas in the Northwest

Why I hate it: There are a lot of songs that could stake a claim for the worst Christmas song of all time. Maybe you thought I'd choose "All I Want For Christmas Is You," or "Grown-Up Christmas List," or "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas." This probably means you don't live in Oregon or Washington, and as a result you haven't heard this song, played ad nauseum to the point of nausea every year starting about a week and half before Thanksgiving.

If that last sentence describes you, consider yourself lucky.

This song is all about how this region doesn't usually get much snow in December, but that doesn't matter because (a) we have lots of evergreen trees, and (b) it's still Christmas. Which I suppose is all well and good, a nice counter to "White Christmas" and "Winter Wonderland" and the like. Except, of course, that the Cascade Mountains and various points east do get quite a bit of December snow, so the point of the song is kind of lost on folks living out that way.

But the real problem is the performance. Brenda White, the singer/songwriter responsible for this melodic malady, sings with all the heartfelt conviction and warmth of a hypermarket (seriously, that's the official term for Fred Meyer stores and the like) commerical narrator. Go ahead, give it a listen, and see for yourself if it shouldn't be accompanying slow, lingering shots of boneless ham and the newest LEGO sets:

And for the record? "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" is AWESOME.